


Heart of steel and cupcakes

by KatiesGhost



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Android Hux, Androids, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Clone Hux, Clones, Cupcakes, M/M, Major character dead (but not really), Not Canon Compliant, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-02-28 07:30:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13266645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatiesGhost/pseuds/KatiesGhost
Summary: It should have been a regular visit to one of the First Order’s subjugated planets...A story about love and death and cupcakes. But mostly love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys!  
> Welcome, and enjoy!

He could still hear explosions going on and off from the distance. It should have been a regular visit to one of the First Order’s subjugated planets; this wasn’t even a planet for force’s sake, this was just one of the little moons that they occupied because they had really good caf and you can’t let the Resistance have better caf than you, that would be atrocious! The Resistance thought this too, apparently, or why else would they attack them during their inspection?

Of course he told the General not to come because he sensed trouble, and of course the General told him to suck it and came anyway, even if it was only to prove Kylo wrong. But he didn’t. Hux just had to go there and see for himself, _“They even have these little cupcakes that they give you when you visit, Ren!”_

Kylo didn’t know if he was angrier at Hux or at the Resistance.

Probably Hux.

Definitely Hux.

His spacecraft stopped abruptly and he looked at the pilot. “Why are you stopping, you idiot? We need to go closer to the centre, we are still too far!”

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader, but I won’t go any closer else we all die. This is a new ship and I don’t want to damage it, it would cost too many credits to repair it and, no offence, but General Hux-“

Kylo scowled, even though it was not visible in his mask. Who does this idiot think he is that he talks to him like that? “I don’t care what Hux says, I am his superior. You will go closer, officer. That’s an order.”

“I already have one black point in my personal chart, if General Hux-“

“General Hux will be dead if you don’t move your stupid ass and fly closer!” Kylo roared and ignited his lightsaber. He was trembling.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” The officer mumbled and took off once again.

Kylo didn’t know what was wrong with him. Normally he wouldn’t have any of this, normally this officer would be probably flying through the air and choking on his force grip. However, normally Kylo wouldn’t be trembling like a leaf only to think that Hux could be laying somewhere in the debris with his head open and bleeding to death. He steadied himself against the steel wall of the ship with his free hand and closed his eyes. The realization hit him at once. Hux could die. He could already be dead for all Kylo knew. He closed his eyes harder and tried to focus on Hux’s energy; he still felt it. It was weak and barely there but it was still present.

“Sir, we’re here.”

Kylo opened his eyes and turned around; he nodded silently and waited for the ramp to go down. When it was safe to jump, he got off the ship even before it fully landed and looked around. There was smoke everywhere and so much dust that he could barely see. The booming of explosions was gone – the Resistance must have fled or they were only scouting the area now, if it was the latter they wouldn’t get off this planet alive, Kylo will make sure of it. Electric sparks hissed right next to his left foot and he kicked the broken device away. It bounced and when it stopped, he could see a wrecked signboard with “Cupcakes” in silver letters.

_“You shouldn’t eat too many of them, Hux. You know how you get_ _when you have too much sugar.” Kylo smirked as he watched Hux eat his dessert in the officers’_ _canteen. Not that the General could see it, of course._

_“I don’t really know what you’re talking about, Ren. I’m completely normal.” Hux shot him an annoyed glare, which said ‘I thought that we established that we won’t be talking to each other in front of other people’._

\- Says the one who acts like a radioactive squirrel and talks like a farmer when his sugar level gets too high. _\- Kylo projected into Hux’s head since he didn’t want to make him any angrier than he already was._

_“Shut up, Human Tantrum.”_

_“Make me.”_

_An officer_ _sitting few seats from them looked at them, swallowed his food and with words that sounded something like_ _“One can’t even eat in peace in here”,_ _he left the room._

However, that was long before it all went to shambles with one single lift of a hand.

 “Fuck this shit,” Kylo grumbled and started walking.

 

Hux should have listened to Ren when he told him not to come to this kriffing moon. He should have stayed on the Finalizer, he should have stayed on the bridge where he belonged. This was beneath him. This should have been beneath him. And now it was him who was beneath something, and that something was a huge piece of junk blocking him from escaping this hell.

He was just listening to the lecture about how important it is to maintain the tradition of brewing caf properly to savour the taste, which passed down generations, when he heard the first explosion.

“Fucking Resistance,” Hux mumbled as he tried to move his arm. It was no use; he was stuck. Hux turned his head a little and looked at his left shoulder – there was a rusty looking steel bar coming from it, covered in thick crimson liquid.

Blood.

He took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes.  _I’m going to die in here._

He was sure of it.

He could feel the blood oozing from his body onto the dusty ground. _Pathetic_. He always knew that he was going to die eventually, probably in combat or in an explosion since this seemed to be the only way the high-ranking officials died when it came to the Resistance or Rebels or kriffing Ewoks. But he, maybe naïvely, thought that he would die surrounded by his soldiers or subordinates. Definitely not alone, and definitely not like this.

Hux moved his other arm a little, trying to stretch his fingers. They were still working, good. He squeezed his hand between the panel above him and his stomach so he could get to his inner pocket where he kept his communicator. He hoped that it was still working – if not, the help wouldn’t come on time. They should have known by now that there was an attack and the rescue shuttle was probably on its way. If Ren found it important enough to send for his general. However, they would not be able to locate him; he had no chip, which would help them do so.

Hux couldn’t lift his hand or head high enough to see if the communicator was dead or alive, so he just pushed the button on its side and hoped for the best. “This is General Hux speaking; we were attacked by a Resistance scouting team. I’m sending my location.” He hissed in pain when he felt a sharp stab in his stomach. “Send medical help.” He released the button and closed his eyes in discomfort. “Fuck,” he whispered and let out a desperate sob. “fuck.”

 

_“Hux, I’m here. Where the hell are you? Can you hear me?”_

Hux opened his eyes in shock and started hyperventilating when he heard Ren’s voice in his head. “Ren?” His voice came out hoarser than he expected. He cleared his throat and blinked away the tears. He didn’t want Ren to see him crying. He didn’t want anyone to see him crying. “I’m here…I’m…I’m…” He felt weak, the edges of his vision were growing black and there were white dots flying in front of his eyes.

There was a sound of metal grinding against the concrete and heavy steps. He would recognize this stomping anywhere. Another screeching sound came and Hux could feel the pressure on his body starting to decrease as the panel above was being lifted away. He could hear pebbles falling to the ground and after few moments, he was blinking into the light. Ren was beside him in a second, taking his face into his gloved hands. “General, are you okay?” Even though he didn’t see Ren’s face, he knew that the brown eyes of the man above him were searching his face for something he could not define.

Hux let out a soft and pained laugh. “Of course not,” he whimpered. “I’m impaled on some…fucking steel bar.” He coughed and winced when a sharp pain sent a spasm through his stomach.

“Don’t speak,” Ren told him as he looked at his left shoulder, “You have such a unfamiliar voice.” Hux could tell that Ren was telling him something he could not hear, there was too much noise in his head. “Hey… Hey, Hux… look at me, don’t you dare fall asleep.”

Hux blinked his eyes open; he didn’t realize that he had closed them. “’m sorry,” He mumbled. “I’m so sorry, Ren.”

Kylo shook his head and took off his helmet, tossing it on the ground. “You should have listened to me, you idiot.” Ren bit his trembling lip. Was he crying? “You’re hurt. The medical shuttle is on their way, they’ll be here soon. I’m going to take you home. Everything is going to be alright.” Kylo caressed Hux’s dirty cheek with his thumb, wiping the tears away. He had never touched him with such a tenderness and Hux leaned a little into the touch.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Hux blinked tiredly. He swallowed the lump he had in his throat, he was trembling with pain and cold that was seeping into his whole body. “It’s…fuck, Kylo.”

Kylo blinked at him and laughed with desperation in his voice, taking Hux’s good hand into his own and squeezing it. Hux had never called him Kylo. He was always Ren or some stupid nickname that Hux though adequate in the moment, but never Kylo. He looked horrible. There was a deep cut on his right eyebrow and on his cheek, his hair damp with sweat and blood; he probably must have hit his head badly and had a concussion for sure. There was a wet stain on his stomach where blood was soaking into Hux’s uniform, and it was growing bigger with every passing moment. “Sssh,” Kylo caressed his cheek again and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Don’t speak, it’s tiring you,” Kylo mumbled against his skin, he felt that Hux was much colder than was normal; he was always somehow cold but right now he was freezing.

Hux tried to smile at the gesture but he was too tired to do it properly. He blinked rapidly and more tears slip down into the ground. “I was scared,” Kylo heard him whisper. “I thought… I didn’t want to die alone.”

Kylo pulled away a little and shook his head, “No, don’t say that. You’re not going to die, do you understand me? I…I forbid you to die on me; you will wait until the shuttle comes. They will take you to the medical. You are going to be okay. You are going to boss me around for another fifty years, you’re going to die old and content and in a warm bed. Not here and not like this.” He pursed his lips like the petulant child he was and this time Hux smiled for real, he cupped Ren’s cheek into his palm, still smiling.

“I’m pissed that you couldn’t taste the cupcakes,” Hux breathed out and shook his head in a jerking motion, which resulted in coughing. He felt a metallic taste in his mouth; he felt it on his lips and chin. He saw in Ren’s eyes that this was the end of him. “I’m…I’m so tired, Ren. I’ll just…I’ll close my eyes for a minute, and… and rest.” His tongue was getting lazy, the words barely escaping his lips, his eyelids slowly closing. “Don’t cry,” he smiled again and Kylo cupped the hand with which he was holding his cheek into his own. “I’m only going to sleep for a while.” He knew it was a lie.

Kylo nodded, “Okay,” he said, barely above a whisper, still holding Hux’s hand and tracing little circles on the back of his wrist. “I love you,” He kissed him on his knuckles with a sad smile. “I love you so much, I’m so sorry. I should have told you earlier. I always…I know that I was being an ass but it’s just what I am, but under it all, it was always only you. Since the conference on that fucking planet that you eventually blew up, I was-“

“I know.” Hux smiled at him through pain and half-lidded eyes. His breath was getting shallow; he felt the heat leaving his body – Kylo being his only source of warmth. Some time ago, somebody told him that death was like falling asleep, as someone who had trouble sleeping for the majority of his life he laughed about it but now he was starting to understand. His work, his people, and his reputation – it didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that he was afraid of was gone, Kylo was here and he was not alone. He was holding Hux’s hand and saying sweet nothings, but these words didn't mean a thing either. The pain was still there although he couldn’t care to feel it anymore. It was beyond him. He felt light tingling in his fingers as he closed his eyes and breathed out.

Slow and shallow.

And then everything went still.

Kylo, who had closed his eyes too, somewhere in the process, felt it more than anything in his life before. It was as if somebody put a knife through his whole body and settled it right in the centre of his mind. It tugged and burned, and then there was calmness. A calmness that brought emptiness so vast that he was sure nothing will ever fill the void it created. He felt Hux’s hand go limp and kissed it one last time. When he looked at the general, he indeed looked like he was only sleeping. He looked peaceful, too peaceful for a man who saw peace as an unstable chaos.

_I love you._

Kylo caressed his cheek and hair, and sobbed. He carefully took Hux into his arm and lifted him from the ground, the steel bar in his shoulder making a sickening sound as it freed itself from Hux’s body but it couldn’t do any more damage. Only now, when he was holding him, did he see the general had fractured his head against a sharp piece of concrete, which was lying on the ground right where his head had been. It was lethal, he didn’t have a chance.

The medical group met him halfway to his shuttle. When they saw the limp and unmoving body of their General in Supreme Leader’s arms, they stopped in their tracks with questioning looks. He just nodded and continued walking; they all bowed their head in respect and saluted. When he moved past them, they set out to look for the other members of the party.

Kylo boarded the ship, completely ignoring the pair of stormtroopers waiting by the ramp, and laid Hux down on the stretcher, arranging his hands neatly by his sides. He refused to leave him here alone and so he sat down by his side and finally looked at Hux’s soldiers.

They were staring. He could feel their disturbed thoughts, they didn’t know what was happening, none of them expecting that a situation like this could ever occur. Not without them dying before their commander. “FN-8755, bring me the communication datapad from the pilot cabin,” he told the one who was standing on the right, not giving them any further information. It was no use; they would hear him talking to the crew of Finalizer in no time. FN-8755 was quickly back and handed him the device.

“Sir, is the General-“ She stopped talking when Kylo turned his hidden face towards her, clearly taking the hint to shut up.

Ren opened his datapad, which was a gift from Hux; since he destroyed all of his previous communicators, this one was supposed to be indestructible. He logged into the communicator app and hovered with his fingers above the screen. What was he supposed to write? Which words were proper to choose? Whom should he contact first?

He clicked on the tag that read “Captain Phasma: online 2 minutes ago” and opened their conversation. It was full of incoming messages; he had never written her a word. It was always her sending him some information about data from the databases in which he couldn’t navigate or about troopers whom he wanted to punish for disobeying. And now his first message to her would be something so grim.

**_SL Kylo Ren --- > CPT Phasma (1500:36)_ ** _General Hux is dead._

Captain Phasma was doing her supervising control rotation when her communicator rang to alert her that she had a new message. She felt her stomach tighten, she was expecting news about General Hux’s wellbeing since the alert that the party sent to accompany him had been attacked by a Resistance scouting team. There was no chance they could know that Hux would be present and still they got lucky. She knew that Hux was a skilled shooter; he was fast to dodge a shot and precise when it came to hitting the target. But the number of what-ifs was high enough for her to worry. The first indicator that something could be wrong was him not sending any message in a long time after the attack started, the second indicator had been a clarification on its own. General Hux was wounded and needed medical help. This was the third time her communicator requested her attention concerning the Caf Factory Mission.

She stopped in the middle of the hall, which led to the upper ground of the ship and clicked on her forearm to open the chat log holo. It was a message from Kylo Ren. She frowned; Ren never messaged her. Not even when she urgently needed his answer. She felt the cold sweat on her brow, her throat tightening. She didn’t need to open the message to see what it read as a whole. The four words of doom were staring at her, mocking her.

General Hux is dead.

The only person on this ship and in her life whom she considered a friend was gone. This was not how it was supposed to be, not at all. She swallowed the lump in her throat; she couldn’t go to her private room and weep, even though there was wetness on her cheeks. Hux would want her to finish her work, to continue her function as best as she could. She went to the first communication table on her way and wrote down her serial number and password to gain access to the app. She furiously pushed the message to open and cursed inwardly because it wasn’t fast enough.

**_SL Kylo Ren --- > CPT Phasma (1500:36)_ ** _General Hux is dead_

**_SL Kylo Ren --- > CPT Phasma (1501:40)_ ** _Im taking him aboard_

**_SL Kylo Ren --- > CPT Phasma (1503:16)_ ** _Prepare the docking station in 30 minutes I want it empty_

**_SL Kylo Ren --- > CPT Phasma (1506:42)_ ** _Please_

She stared at the monitor for a long time, Kylo Ren never said please or thank you, certainly not to her. She let out a shuddering breath and nodded to herself.

**_CPT Phasma --- > SL Kylo Ren (1508:59) _ ** _As you wish, Supreme Leader._

She logged off the station and went to execute the order.

 

By the time Ren’s shuttle logged into the system and the appointed officer authorized its arrival, Phasma was pacing in the hangar. She was alone, except for the medical droids standing by the main door with their equipment. She knew that they wouldn’t be necessary since it was too late for them to help the general but they couldn’t afford any of the staff to know what was really happening, so they needed to play the part and pretend that they’re taking him to his quarters.

The light above the ramp started to pulse as the shuttle started its landing. Phasma stopped her pacing and stood still, she didn’t move an inch until the ramp ascended and Kylo Ren walked down with General Hux lying on a stretcher next to him. She didn’t ask where were the troopers she sent after them. She knew exactly where they were and she hoped that they didn’t suffer much. If Kylo Ren didn’t want anyone to be present in the hangar, she was sure that he killed the two troopers so they wouldn’t talk.

The man in question walked down and stopped in front of her, shielding Hux from her view. She couldn’t see his face but he held himself higher than normal, he seemed stiff and more intense if she could judge by his posture. “Supreme Leader.” She nodded instead of greeting him and he nodded in response. “If you would follow me, I brought medical droids to help you escort the general into his rooms.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Ren shook his head. “You will escort him there personally and make sure that nobody disturbs him, I trust that you are the only one competent enough to tend to him. I have other things to do; I must decide how to proceed.” His modulated voice was the same as ever, and when Phasma nodded, he left her standing there.

As Kylo Ren walked away with his cape flowing behind him like an ominous tail, she finally got to look at their General. She was glad that she was wearing her helmet –  even though she was alone in the hangar, she didn’t want to lose her composure. He looked as if he was only sleeping. His brows relaxed, eyes closed and lips slightly parted. His complexion was the same pearly white as always, except for the bloodstains on his face. She stared at him and hoped, prayed even, for him to open his eyes and look at her. To open his eyes and scowl at her for being so close to him and not doing her rounds. She gulped and let out a shuddered breath.

Hux was dead.

And Kylo Ren had only fled to his quarters to make plans how to proceed with Hux's removal and successor. He didn’t even flinch.

 

When Phasma got to Hux’s quarters, the medical droids left and they were finally alone. She carefully took his lithe form from the stretcher and placed him on his bed. Ren wanted her to take care of him, she didn’t know what he meant but making him look a little more alright couldn’t hurt anything. Except for ruining her from the inside.

She took off her helmet and placed it on the ground, the slight breeze from the air-conditioning making her realise that there were tears on her cheeks. She didn’t mind. This was her only friend, lying on the bed in front of her, without his chest rising and falling. She gingerly took his hand into hers and squeezed it. He was cold as ice, cold as the man everyone took him for. If now wasn’t the right time to cry, she didn’t know when.

“Wake up, you idiot,” she muttered as she squeezed his hand harder, choking on a sob. “Armitage, wake up. This isn’t funny… it’s not. It’s not funny, you can’t leave me here with that pompous ass of Ren. Please.” She was crumbling, sobbing as a little child. “You can’t leave without saying goodbye, do you realise how…how rude and barbaric that is?” She let out a desperate laugh and stroked his cheek. His head moved to the side with it. Phasma pulled her hand back and got up from her kneeling position, she had work to do. And getting rid of all this blood was a start. 

She was pouring water into a bowl she found in the bathroom cupboard when she heard a silent thud from the other room. She nearly had a heart attack. “Hux?” She breathed out and with two long strides, she was back in his bedroom. There were two bright green eyes looking at her from the bed. “It’s you,” she sighed and rubbed her face. She had totally forgotten about the little beast that Hux kept in his room.

The little animal meowed at her and looked back at its owner. The ginger cat nuzzled her head under his chin and purred but when she didn’t get a reaction from him, she made a sound of distress and looked at him with her huge eyes, clearly not understanding what was happening and why he was ignoring her.

 

By the time Kylo entered Hux’s private rooms, Phasma was sitting on Hux’s couch watching Millicent who was sleeping next to Hux and occasionally looking up to him. The automatic doors closed behind him, Phasma must have heard that he was present and yet she didn’t acknowledge him in any way. 

“You’re free to leave now, Captain,” he said towards the back of her blond head, standing in the entry arch, which led from the entry corridor into the bedroom. “Did you hear me? I said that you will leave now.” He could feel that she was distressed and felt angry because of Hux. She didn’t have the right. He knew that the two were close friends, he often wondered why Hux let her talk to him in such a familiar way or why he didn't punish her for talking back to him. And now, the woman who helped Hux kill his own father, the woman who was a coldblooded warrior was crumbling on the inside. Ren wondered if there was something more between them, something he now wished to belong only to him and Hux alone. He could feel anger getting the best of him. “Captain, if you won’t-“

“If I won’t leave than what?” She turned to him sharply and got up. “You’ll kill me? Tell me, Ren, was it you who did it? Was it you who ended him? You were always so jealous of him, always trying to impress your precious leader, always getting into his way. Hux told me that it was you who killed Snoke, he never believed your filthy lies about that girl, did you decided that you have finally enough of him?? Was humiliating him in front of his own men finally not enough for you and so you decided to end him when nobody was looking?!” She was growling, towering over him like some feral beast, angry tears glistening in her eyes.

“How dare you speak to me like this, Captain? I am your superior here, you will listen to me, you will respect me and if you don’t wish to die you will leave these rooms immediately and never speak of any what you just said to me ever again. Am I clear?” He said with fury. Normally he would have killed her for such an insolence but not today. And not here.

Phasma put on her helmet and left without any other words.  _Murderer._

 

When alone, Kylo sat down next to Hux, carefully looking at his cat, which normally disliked him in a very blatant manner. Now she didn’t pay him any attention, she just looked at him, slowly blinked and rested her head back against Hux’s shoulder. He sighed and scratched her behind her ears. It was just the two of them now.

“I’m sorry you had to hear this.” He mumbled towards Hux. “I’m so sorry., I- ah… I hate them so much, Hux. I… I swear to you that I will destroy them. All of them. I’ll do it for you.” His voice was tight and full of pain and anger. He let out a sob and brought Hux’s hand to his lips, kissing his fingers with desperation. “I will find a way to bring you back, I promise. I won’t leave you. I swear you this much.” He whispered into his skin and choked on another sob. “Armitage…” He whispered and looked up to Hux’s sleeping face, how he wished he would stay with him.

 

Death.

Such an inevitable thing it was, something that waited for everyone in the galaxy. He knew she was coming for Hux when he looked him into eyes, he could see it in there, just like everything that his soul held. There could be no life without it and no death without life but still he wished that she would let Armitage stay with him a little bit longer.

By the force, how could it take something so precious from him? Diamond that should have stayed living, this wasn’t fair. “Why did you do this to me?” Kylo breathed out, “How am I supposed to live like this?  Tell me!” He screamed into the empty room. “My love, my faith, you took it from me. You took him from me, from all the things in the universe you could take, you chose to take _him_.” He sobbed. “He’s not dead to me, he’s not. He’s breathing, he will always be breathing inside of me, he’ll live with me…” He looked at Hux and caressed his cheekbones with trembling fingers. “I should have guarded you better. I should have saved you.” He shook his head, guilt taking over him once again. Hux was away, away with all his dreams full of fantasies and endless power.

Life without him would be the greatest vainness there ever was.


	2. Chapter 2

„Kylo?“

Ren smiled when he heard him call his name, it was something that soothed his mind like nothing in the world could. It was something that he wanted to keep until the end of his life and after. But it wasn’t possible. Hux was dead. He wasn’t there with Kylo to call for him when he needed something or to get angry with him for being too emotional or too messy. He wasn’t there to scold him for calling him by pet names and touching his mind.

But then how it possible that he heard him? How was it possible that…He must be only dreaming. He didn’t even realise he fell asleep.

“Are you deaf or something?” the voice came again from another room. It was only now that Kylo looked around himself and noticed that he didn’t know this room. He looked back to the window, from which he was apparently looking out only moments ago, and frowned. It was raining outside; the sky was so low that it was touching the ground and becoming a mist. Between it all, there was a big lake and something what looked like sharp and stony mountains in the distance. He was so captivated by the gloomy weather that he didn’t notice the sound of soft steps approaching him. There was a hand on his shoulder and he startled. “I called you three times, where are you, love?” There was a whisper near his ear and the hand on his shoulder caressed him softly before sliding down his arm and touching his stomach. Kylo looked down. The slim fingers, delicate wrist, golden hairs on the forearm. He felt himself crumble.

“You’re shaking. Are you cold?” Kylo shook his head. “We will be late, come on now.” The hand withdrawn and he was left standing here, silent steps slowly retreating.

Kylo finally turned around and looked at Hux’s back. His lower lip was trembling, his hands were shaking, and he felt as if he was going to collapse. “Armitage.” His voice broke.

Hux stopped mid-step and sighed. “Yes?”

“Where are we going?”

Hux turned around and Kylo’s breath faltered. There was an awful looking gash on his forehead and his lips were purple rather than its usual pink. “You don’t know? Ha, and I thought that you force users could read minds.” Hux smirked with his lifeless lips and offered him his hand. “Come. I’ll show you.”

Kylo shook his head and stood his ground. “No. You’re not here.”

“Of course I am here, Ren. Now stop being so kriffing stubborn and come.” Hux raised his good eyebrow and frowned a bit. Kylo looked at him uncertainly and took a step further. Hux stood still and watched him, his face becoming paler and paler. His eyes losing their gleam. The gash on his forehead becoming deeper and nastier. “Come with me, Kylo,” he whispered, “help me.” His voice broke as he fell to his knees.

 

Kylo woke up with a start.

“ _Help me.”_

Kylo looked around his room; his breathing was coming out in shallow but erratic waves. He could still hear him. It’s been three days and he still couldn’t grasp the information that he was alone and that Hux was gone.

His comlink was blinking at him with a steady rhythm and faint orange glow – unread messages. He reached for his datapad, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was feeling lethargic and didn’t want to leave his bed for the day. He was sure it was his grieving mind speaking, that he should get up and do something to occupy his wandering thoughts but he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do so.

**URGENT: GEN PORTKMAN -- > SL KYLO REN **Sir, your attendance is needed in order to deal with the developers of the new astrodroids. Meeting scheduled for 1100.

Kylo rubbed his face and groaned with frustration; tossing the datapad away on his unmade sheets. General Portkman was given the position that was previously occupied by Hux – Kylo didn’t really think it through, he was the first name he found when reading through their personnel. He was absolute pain in the ass. May it be his constant need to be assisted by Ren during the most trivial meetings (which Hux always managed on his own – he didn’t want to deal with Ren more than necessary) or his never-ending questions about the most trivial things – the last was if they should give the troopers two or three-layer toilet paper. Which was absolutely absurd.

Kylo was sure of one thing – he took Hux for granted. And not only in the means of his efficiency as general.

He got up from his bed and put on his clothes, which were the same blank black as they were when he was a mere knight – solely from the sentiment for times when he was not in this shit alone. He didn’t bother with eating and set out straight to his everyday destination.

 

Kylo smiled sadly at Millicent when he entered the room, which was right next to his quarters. It used to be a guest room but he had it cleaned completely and had a see-through capsule installed. In the capsule, preserved in a vacuum, was Hux.

“Good morning,” Kylo mumbled and sat down on a chair, which he left there yesterday evening. He looked at the lying general, who was in his uniform and greatcoat, peaceful and unmoving. “I’m… Portkman is driving me crazy, just so you know. You would be so pleased, Hux. I bet that you would. You would laugh at my misery, I’m sure. I just… How did you… How could you do all of the stuff you were doing? It’s… Either way, he’s stupid or you were a genius…” Kylo sighed and put his face into his hands. “Of course you were a genius,” he mumbled after a while. “And I…I fucked up.” He looked up and ran a hand through his lank hair.

Hux didn’t answer.

“I dreamed about you today. You wanted me to help you.” Kylo felt his throat growing thick. “You looked…I was…” Kylo broke down, looking at him through tears and with his forehead in his hand. His comlink beeped again and Kylo groaned, wiping angrily his tears away. “Fucking idiot.” He got up from his chair and walked away from the room. Locking the door.

 

“Ah! Supreme Leader.” The newly appointed general actually bowed before him and stepped aside. “Please, here…Sit down. Please, after you.” Kylo looked at him and growled.

“Cut the act, general. I have no time for your stupid gestures. What do you need this time? I am rather busy and I have no time for dealing with things that should be under your expertize and not mine.”

Portkman smiled nervously and nodded. “Yes, yes. I am sorry, my lord.” He nodded once again and remained standing, obviously waiting for Kylo to sit down first.

Kylo kept looking at him for few more moments, rolled his eyes and sat down. “You said there was a meeting.” He looked up at the general and tapped his fingers on the table. “So? Where are the others?”

The general nodded vehemently and sat down opposite Ren. “My lord, you see, you came late and… they didn’t want to wait.”

“Do you want to tell me, that the meeting didn’t happen because you were unable to negotiate with them on your own?” Ren gritted his teeth, jaw set.

“N-no, ah, I-“ Ren clenched his fist and looked sharply at the man in front of him, stealing the air from his lungs with just a flick of his wrist, little twitch of his fingers. Portkman’s hands flew to his own neck, desperately trying to pry the invisible grip away. “I-…If you just…Listen to me…”

 

_Hux fell to his knees, choking on air, desperate to fill his lungs and breathe…just breathe, nothing more. Kylo was looking at him, standing there like a statue, his hand slowly going down. He loathed him. He loathed his arrogance, the way Hux’s lower lip wobbled when he was looking at him, something cracking in the glint of his eyes._

_“So pathetic, General. I would think that a man with your past shall-“_

_“Don’t.” Hux barked and looked up, his fringe falling into his eyes bloodshot eyes. “Please.”_

_Kylo didn’t understand it then, he didn’t know that the expression in Hux’s face he was seeing was the expression of a broken-hearted_ _man. The expression of somebody who was so angry at himself for letting his feelings get the best of him, of letting himself feel something at all._

Kylo rubbed his face and looked at Portkman who was now heaving and looking at him with a nervous twitch in his eye. “Sir? Are you listening?”

The Supreme Leader nodded briefly and waved his hand. “Yes, yes.”

“So you will personally go there and talk to them?” The general looked at his superior with uncertainty and subconsciously retreated back even when he was still sitting, afraid that this information will anger Ren once more.

“Yes,” Kylo growled, “since you’re so incompetent, it looks like I don’t have any other choice, do I?”

Portkman nodded slightly, “That will be all, Supreme Leader.”

«*»

If there was one thing that Kylo Ren hated about the whole Supreme Leader thing, it was that he actually had to lead people. He had to be seen and do things he didn’t want to do and that bothered him more than when his mother didn’t want to let him watch holos late into the night. When Hux was here, Kylo didn’t have to bother to attend these things because the General was glad to take his place and make himself the face of the First Order. He was perfect for it, people – for some reason that was unknown to Ren – liked when he talked or they at least listened. He could appease them with his honeyed words. It didn’t work like this for Kylo. He was skilled in other ways, he was good with his sword, he was skilled with the Force but not with people.

Another reason why he missed Hux.

How could he be so unbelievably stupid and not see what he had the whole time right before his big nose? Maybe that was the reason he didn’t see it. Because his nose was in his way.

“At least you know what to blame, Kylo, good job,” he muttered to himself and adjusted his cloak before he raised his hand to demand entry.

The sliding door into the facility slid open and there was an old looking man with bluish skin looking at him from under his bushy eyebrows. “Ah, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, welcome! We were expecting you.” He bowed so low that his long nose nearly touched the floor. “I am Eeth Neko, the owner of this facility. Follow me, please.” He motioned into the hallway and started walking. Kylo only nodded and followed.

“I really don’t see why I had to come here personally, I am sure that this could be arranged over the holo conversation. I am-“

“I know that are you a busy man, Supreme Leader,” the midget interrupted him, “but I would say it would be better if you saw for yourself what we have to offer. As you can see on your left, there are our first models of astrodroids, which our facility was manufacturing even when-“ When the owner didn’t hear steps after him, he stopped and turned around. “Lord Ren?” He raised his eyebrows. Ren was standing on the right side of the corridor, looking into a vitrine. “Lord Ren, if you may follow me, please,” Noko said with a little frown and cleared his throat.

Kylo turned around and nodded, “Yes, of course.” He didn’t pay attention to the monologue the blue man was making. He wasn’t that interested in the history of his company or about what they had to offer even though he probably should be. He always hated history and having to listen to it now, from this blue imp with the voice so high, Kylo was sure that he was going to have a migraine by the end of his visit here. Kylo knew that the astrodroids were good, they had to be, that was why they had a deal with them in the first place so what was the meaning of this all?

They made it to the end of the hall and entered a circular room that had glass vitrines along its perimeter. “And now for the newest model, my Lord. It’s practically indestructible, from the finest metal alloy there is, I can assure you.” Neko smiled tightly and motioned with his hand for the droid to present itself. As the black droid was making its way towards them, Kylo heard steps behind him and turned, Neko followed his motion. “Ah! Would you like some tea?” Kylo shook his head, his eyes on the girl who entered the room with a tray - she was smiling at him, when she saw him shake his head she just bowed a little and went to make a cup for her boss, then she left without a word. “She’s rather striking, isn’t she?”

Kylo blinked and turned to the little man. “Not really my type,” he grumbled and went to examine the droid. “I think it looks well, you can send me the details and we’ll send you the money. Now if that’s everything, I am afraid I have no more time to waste here.” Kylo mentally shuddered; he sounded like Hux.

“Yes, yes. Of course.” The owner looked a little bit startled that Ren didn’t want any more information before making the purchase. “Are you sure you don’t want me to show you something more? General Hux-“

Kylo looked at him with deadly eyes and the old man immediately closed his mouth. “General Hux is not here,” he sneered and turned on his heel. “Send me the details immediately as I told you, and we’ll arrange the deal.” Kylo called after him, already on his way out. He was seeing red; how dared this good-for-nothing mention Hux, how could he talk about him as if nothing happened. The fact that nobody actually knew that Hux was gone was escaping his mind. Kylo rubbed his forehead and shuddered; he had a feeling as if somebody was watching him.

He turned around and saw that he was right.

Kylo blinked into the last vitrine that stood by the wall and bit his lip. There were heads, faces, and torsos. Showcased like in a museum. Kylo tilted his head to one side and frowned. “What is this?” he whispered to himself and went closer. He could swear that he had seen that face somewhere but he couldn’t place it. They looked so real, so alive. Looking at him with unmoving unblinking eyes.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?”

Kylo looked over his shoulder; it was the same girl who brought the tea. He nodded and turned back to the vitrine, straightening his back – now that he knew he was not alone, he had to maintain his composure.

“They're androids, the most complicated and lifelike androids there are. Our facility doesn’t manufacture only astrodroids and the like. This is rather a new project; it's only in the beta testing so we're not exporting it to our clients yet. It’s only a prototype.” She smiled at him politely. “You know, you look really striking, Lord Ren. I like you much more than the old Supreme Leader. You’re more…”

“More what?” Kylo looked at her sharply.

“…human, I would say.” She smiled again and her gaze returned to the vitrine. “Mister Neko is harvesting DNA material from actual beings and transfers it into the androids. As you can see here,” She nodded towards the face in front of her. “These were terminated years ago, I mean, their real selves.” She corrected herself with a silent laugh and shake of her head.

“How can a secretary know so much about something so classified?” Kylo raised an eyebrow with mistrust. He was trying to look into her mind but couldn’t find anything, something was blocking him, she must have been trained to resist the force in case of the resistance, but still…

“I am not a secretary, Lord Ren. I only wanted to bring tea to our new Supreme Leader.” She smirked at him and offered him her hand. “I am the lead developer of the AI program.”

Now everything made sense, that was why he couldn’t read her, her job was highly classified. Ren turned back to the blank faces, closing his eyes for a moment, taking a breath. “You said that these were real people, you took their DNA and made them to be like them.”

“Yes.”

Kylo frowned a bit and flexed his fists. “Would it possible, hypothetically speaking…” He looked at her, “…to bring back somebody from the dead?”

The woman laughed and waved his hand. “Well that’s a curious question, my Lord. I am afraid that no, it won’t be possible as such but- I think that when someone is willing to wait and has enough money, there could be a possibility. Why? Are you interested?” She smirked deviously.

Kylo kept looking at her, silent. He wanted to bring Hux back by himself but there was nothing he could do, at least nothing he was aware of. This would be much easier, much faster (if he was honest with his reading speed through the old texts, he’d always been a slow reader). They could bring Hux back, they could help him.

And it was a risk that he was willing to take.  

«*»

“You wanted to see me, Supreme Leader?”

Phasma entered Ren’s quarters and saluted in a mocking manner. She hated him with all her heart and she hoped that he felt it. She didn’t give a damn if he killed her as he killed Armitage. At least she wouldn’t have to serve under this incompetent child who was in charge of them only because he was a descendant of the old Skywalker fool.

Ren was standing by his bed, his back turned to her, datapad in his hand. He turned his head over his shoulder a little and nodded, his mask was missing. Phasma hated his face. Now it only reminded her of the fact that Ren could be dead if it wasn’t for Hux who saved him, who saved him only so Ren could kill him when nobody was looking. “Yes,” he stated, ignoring her tone of voice. Phasma didn’t move an inch and kept looking at him through her visor. “I hope that you understand that everything I’ll say to you in this room will stay in this room. If not, you will not live another day to tell about it. Am I clear?” Ren was still looking over his shoulder, only when she confirmed that she understood, he turned to face her.

“I’m not telling you this because I want to vindicate myself or because I care about what you think of me. The only reason I decided to tell you is because I know that he is dear to you.” Ren was standing with his fists clenched by his sides, hunched forward.

_Was. Until you murdered him._ Phasma said nothing, only waited.

“I see.” Ren nodded, his chin was wobbling with tension. “General Hux will be returned to us shortly. I have found a way to bring him back.”

“What?” Sharp intake of breath hissed through her vocoder.

“I have meditated and decided that the way I found is the best and only option we have. There is a program where they harvest DNA from subjects and-“

“You have made a deal with clone makers?” She asked him incredulously, not minding that she was overstepping the line.

“No.” He snarled at her, “Their technique is similar to that of clone makers but it is not the same. I said that Hux will be back and I meant it. He will be back with his intact memories, with his mind, with everything that made him who he was and he will continue to serve The Order just like he would want to.”

“You have no right.” She gritted her teeth and huffed. “How dare you to play with his life like this? You think you being the Supreme Leader gives you the right to decide whether it is okay to bring somebody from the dead? You think that you are omnipotent? Supreme Leader,” she said with a disgusted tone, “you are a bigger monster than Snoke ever was.” She spat and found herself against the wall the next second. She could feel the pressure on her throat but she didn’t care, not anymore.

“You will not speak to me like this, Captain!” Ren thundered. “This is your final warning, Phasma.” He sneered, _And remember that I am letting you live only because of Hux._

The air returned to her lungs and she braced herself against the wall, trying to catch her breath.

“You may go, Captain.”

Phasma straightened her back and looked at him. The silent _when_ screaming in her mind.

“In three weeks.”

«*»

“It is good to see you again, my Lord.” Saoe, the head of the AI program, greeted Ren upon his arrival at their facility. “I believe that you will be happy with our progress.” She bowed her head a little with respect and led him to the research laboratory.

“I will judge that myself, doctor.” He matched her steps, walking alongside her. It didn’t take long before they reached the laboratory, Saoe put her hand on a scanner and opened the door for them.

“After you, my Lord.” She motioned for him to come inside first and followed him inside. “As you can see,” She came to stand in front of a see through capsule, not much different from the one in which the real Hux was aboard the Finalizer where Ren himself resided; albeit smaller. “Everything is going according to our plan.” Ren went to stand next to her and looked inside the capsule. His breath hitched but he maintained a straight face.

“Yes.” He nodded and kept staring at Hux-like face staring at him with empty eye sockets instead of eyes, “I see.” He turned away from the box, his eyes roamed around the laboratory. He felt chill going down his spine, as if the Force was trying to tell him that something was wrong. He let the feeling pass, nothing was wrong. He will have Hux back in no time. Kylo’s eyes stopped on the wall opposite from him - there was a pedestal on which there was a bust of the General.  He frowned a bit and went to inspect it. It was a perfect plaster replica of Hux, with closed eyes, lips slightly parted and hair falling over his eyebrows. Kylo could feel a lump forming in his throat as he closed his eyes to ground himself.

“ _Help me.”_

Kylo jerked and opened his eyes, he could feel the air around him grow colder.

“He was rather delicate, wasn’t he?” Saoe said from behind Kylo, “I always thought he was bigger. Bless the uniforms, I would say.” She laughed a little and sat behind her desk.

“Yes,” Ren nodded in agreement. “It seems so.” He had never seen Hux without his uniform so he wasn’t one to know. He could only speculate about what lay under it.

“Alright, just like I said, everything is proceeding excellently.” She smiled when Kylo turned around. “Nobody will be able to tell the difference between the real General Hux and the one we’re making.”

Ren felt a stab in his mind. “He will be the real General Hux,” he said firmly.

“Of course,” She smiled half-heartedly, as if he was a little child that lived in some fantasy and she didn’t want to destroy it for him. “Of course, my Lord.”

“Will he be able to tell the difference?”

“You mean if he will know that he’s a mere copy?”

Kylo sneered. She said it again. He will not be a copy, he will be real and he will be living. He will be Hux.

“With all honesty, my Lord, I am not sure. However, as we are operating with the DNA memory, he should be aware of the fact that he died; if he will be aware of the way how is it that he is living again, I can’t give you a certain answer.”

Kylo nodded and looked back at the bust.

Only seven days to go.

«*»

Kylo was sitting next to Hux with Millicent sleeping on his lap, watching him in silence, counting down the moments before his package was supposed to come. A package. That was how the doctor referred to it. He kept dreaming about him, he dreamed of waiting in the hangar for Hux to disembark from a shuttle that would bring him back. He kept seeing him as a living person and not as some… package.

Kylo groaned and rubbed his face, his eyes itching with tiredness. He hadn’t slept for two days, not really, his dreams were keeping him awake. If they were dreams, visions or a work of something bigger than he was, he wasn’t sure.

“ _Help me.”_

They all ended with the same sentence called in desperate voice, with Hux falling to his knees, bracing himself against the ground with his hands or elbows. With Hux looking at him with bloodied face. Begging him, crying with lifeless bloodshot eyes.

Millicent jumped away from his lap with annoyance as his comlink beeped, she stretched on the ground, waited for Kylo to get up and then used the chair as a pedestal for jumping onto the cubicle where she clumsily nudged her paw against the glass. Ren got up from the chair, his heart beating so fast that he was afraid it was going to explode.

Hux was here.

 

Kylo’s feet were taking him to the hangar on their own accord; it was all just a muscle memory, nothing more, for he couldn’t think straight. Stormtroopers were hurrying out of his way, afraid that he was in his usual murder mode since he was stomping with a determined expression. He slid into the last turn of the corridor and entered the hangar, his feet nearly slipping from under him.

The Stormtrooper who was standing next to the ramp of a small freighter that had just arrived pretended that he didn’t see Ren nearly falling onto his face and quickly righted his posture. Kylo fixed him with a glare, “You’re dismissed,” he told him and entered the ship.

When he came aboard, he could hear the pilot rummaging in the cockpit but it was only a piloting droid. Saoe knew that this project was highly classified, clever move. He will thank her later. Or not.

Kylo’s eyes set on a metal box, which was lying in the middle of the cargo space. “Fuck,” He breathed out and tilted his head back, blinking away the tears. “Fuck,” He shook his head and looked at the red digital sign on the lid.

**SBJT AH01. CONFIRM YOUR IDENTIFICATION.**

Kylo pressed his palm against the touch display and waited for it to scan his imprint. Suddenly nervous that the system will not recognize him and won’t grant him the permission.

**ACCESS GRANTED. REBOOTING OF THE SBJT AH01 SUCCESFULL.**

Kylo could swear that he stopped breathing when the seams of the box hissed and cold mist came rolling from the inside. The lid divided into two and opened, sliding to the box’s sides. Kylo was watching with anticipation as the smoke rolled away from the inside and revealed the body of General Hux. Hux looked exactly as Kylo remembered him from only minutes ago when he was looking at him in the glass casket. Minus the injuries on his face and scabs on his knuckles.

There he was.

The same plump lips, pink with life. The same nose and sharp cheekbones. His defined eyebrows and butterfly eyelashes resting against marble like skin. His sideburns, which Kylo detested, thinking they looked absurd and ridiculous - but then again, he used to think Hux’s whole being was absurd and ridiculous. The General was clad in his uniform, the very one Ren delivered to the facility during his visit, minus the hat.

“Hux?” Kylo croaked, his voice deceiving him, but nothing happened. “Hux, can you hear me?”

The box made a sparkling sound and released an electric pulse into the General’s body. Hux sharply opened his eyes and gasped for air, he sat up so fast that he nearly knocked Ren over.  He was staring right in front of him, his eyes confusedly dancing across his surroundings, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He was visibly shaking as if he was cold.

“Hux?” Kylo tried again, his hand itching from the wish to rise and touch him.

The man in question turned his head to him, “Ren?” He shook his head a little as if he couldn’t understand what was happening around him. The doctor informed Kylo that he might be a little bit confused upon his awakening, and that Ren will probably have to explain how he got there.

Kylo nodded, Hux’s eyes rendering him speechless.

“I thought I was dead.” He smiled at Ren with such a relief and genuineness that Kylo’s heart broke into thousand pieces. “I thought that,” Hux swallowed again and huffed a laugh, “you saved me.” He looked him in the eyes and Ren nodded.

“Yes. Yes I did.”


	3. Chapter 3

The reality of the fact that Kylo was explicitly instructed by the doctor to tell Hux what had happened, and how it was possible that he was back and alive, completely went down the garbage chute. He would tell him when the time came, Kylo would tell him everything but he had no chance to do so. He was drunk on Hux’s grateful look and smile, which would unnerve him a month ago. He was drunk on the feeling of power he now held over Hux.

“You saved me,” Hux repeated, still looking at him with disbelief. “You told me you loved me, and you saved me.”

Kylo nodded.

“How?”

Well, that was a chance to tell him everything.

It was now or never.

“I stayed with you until the medical shuttle came for us. They patched you up and put you to induced sleep where you stayed until you healed completely. I helped you too, with the Force.” Kylo looked down and then up again, into Hux’s eyes.

“Ah,” Hux nodded and rolled his shoulder. “Well, it seems that everything is functioning as it should be. Though I doubt that it was the Force who made sure of that.” He smirked a bit and put his feet on the ground - he got up without problems. A little bit too easily and with his back a little bit too straight.

“How do you feel?”

“Alive,” Hux snorted. “And I am trying not to think about how I got into this uniform since this can’t be the one I was wearing when that roof fell on me.” He adjusted his belt; his little finger was visibly stiff. “I hope it wasn’t you who clothed me, Ren.” He looked at Kylo with one lifted eyebrow and pursed his lips a little.

Kylo shook his head, watching him with interest.

“In that case, I would like to resume working, with your kind permission, Supreme Leader. Though I am rather curious why I am inside of a freighter and not in the medical bay.” Hux’s eyebrow quirked once again.

“I believe it is not important, General.” Kylo chewed on his lower lip. “You are here now, and you are alive, you should be thankful for that and don’t ask questions that are beyond your capacity of understanding.” He could not tell him the truth. No. It would be too much. Hux looked at him as if stung, his jaw working.

“Of course,” he smiled tightly and set off.

Kylo was looking after him, watching him go. Hux’s back straight as ever, his head held high. Kylo sighed and rubbed his face; he was trembling. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he tell him the truth? He couldn’t sleep with excitement for this moment to come and now, when he had him back, he behaved as if nothing between them changed. As if nothing ever happened. How stupid was he?

“Hux!” Kylo nearly sprinted from the ramp and halted when Hux turned around, already almost gone from the hangar.

“Yes?” He asked with something almost hopeful in his voice.

“I’m…” Kylo was lost. What did he want to say? That he was sorry? That he wasn’t able to save him? That he failed? That he wanted him to come back and never leave him again because the First Order couldn’t function without him?

“Ren?” Hux clasped his hands behind his back, waiting.

“I’m… It’s good to have you back. The Order needs you.”  _I need you._

Something shifted in Hux’s face. “Of course,” he nodded. “Supreme Leader.” He bowed his head a little and walked away; leaving Kylo standing there like the idiot he was.

 

The automatic door closed behind Hux and he stopped. He felt hollow. When Ren was the first thing he saw when he looked around himself in that metal flying box, he was somehow happy to see him, to see that he made it alive and Ren was by his side (probably worried sick, because he couldn’t run the Order without somebody with his expertise). But then their glorious  _supreme leader_  behaved like the impossible oaf he was and everything Hux felt shattered. Hux felt close to crying when he looked at the metal ceiling with opened mouth and so he bit his lower lip, closing his eyes so the tears wouldn’t fall. His throat burned with something he couldn’t quite place. He felt so confused. So out of place.

Ren saved him.

_“I love you so much, I’m so sorry.”_

It could be he only dreamed these words ever escaped Ren’s lips because Ren surely didn’t behave like he had ever said something like this. Maybe it was just a wishful thinking. Maybe it was his brain playing tricks on him before the darkness enveloped him. Hux straightened his back and opened his eyes, the echo of steps in the corridor taking him back to the present.

There was a squeak and the steps halted. Hux looked to his right and saw two Stormtroopers.

“Sir!” They said in unison and saluted, visibly taken aback by his presence.

Hux only nodded in their direction and started walking the opposite direction towards the bridge.

He had work to do.

 

When Hux stepped onto the bridge, he didn’t expect what happened in the slightest. He stood in the entryway, watching some middle-aged blond man in a General’s uniform talking to one of the officers. Hux frowned, his nose twitching with anger.

As he made his way towards this presumptuous man who evidently had the guts to jump after his position as soon as he was merely recovering in the med bay, the officers along the way were stopping in what they were doing, silently nudging their colleagues to watch what was about to happen. Hux stopped behind the man’s back and cleared his throat.

The man in question grumbled something under his nose, “I am talking, can’t you wait?”

“I am afraid that no, I can’t wait.” Hux straightened his back, his hands behind his back and head held high. He watched with satisfaction as the man’s back went rigid when he recognized his voice.

“General Hux?” The daring creature turned around so quickly that his hat fell down off his head. “Fuck,” he pipped. “I mean, I’m sorry…”

Hux fixed him with a stern look. “Watch your language, officer. You’re dismissed.” He recognized his face though he couldn’t quite place his name even though he was sure that he knew him, that he saw him – somewhere, some time.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You can beg me whatever you like, officer. You are not needed anymore; leave my bridge at once, that’s an order.” Hux looked at him with utter disgust. This was his ship. His alone.

“I am afraid I can’t, sir. Our Supreme-“

“I don’t care what your orders from the Supreme Leader were, this ship is mine and you will do as I-“

“General Hux.” Stepped in another voice, and this time it was Hux whose back stiffened. He turned around; mouth set in a firm line and frowned at the commanding Captain. “It’s good to see you again but I am afraid I must ask you to leave,” Captain Peavey said with something keen to satisfaction in his voice.

Hux’s face stiffened. He blinked in confusion and actually huffed. “How dare you speak to me like this, Captain? I am your superior! You will not defy me!” he barked.  

“Our Supreme Leader accredited general Portkman to be the commander of this ship. And you should do as your superior says, shouldn’t you, General?” With the stress on the last word, Hux was sure that Peavey was mocking him.

Hux was seething. He felt angry, he knew that he was angry, but somehow couldn’t process what to do with this kind of situation. Nobody has ever talked to him like this, let alone on his bridge and in front of his subordinates. Now there were two men, one whom he knew but couldn’t quite place and one whom he knew for his whole career, and they were both acting as if they could talk to him like he was lesser than them. This couldn’t be. This had never happened before. And Hux was standing there, unable to make a stand for himself. Unable to cope with the situation.

Peavey smirked.

“Yes,” Hux smiled nervously but still as if nothing happened. “This must be some kind of a mistake, I’m sure. Lord Ren wouldn’t dismiss me from my position, Captain.” He was lost.

“This is no mistake, General,” Peavey leaned closer to Hux so he would be the only one to hear him, “Do yourself a favour and go, before you embarrass yourself even more and let the men do their work. The Order needs real men and not a child like you who is about to start crying every time something doesn’t go his way.”

Hux blinked several times out of confusion and took a step back. “You-“ His left eye was twitching. “You will regret this. All of you.” He pointed at the two men and stalked out of the bridge.

«*»

Ren was pacing across his bedroom.

Something was wrong.

Something was very very wrong.

What was even worse, screaming in frustration and throwing everything standing on his table into the wall didn’t seem to help.

He couldn’t feel him. Not a feeble wave of his presence in the Force, nothing. It was just like if Hux remained dead. Kylo grabbed his hair with anger and pulled so hard that tears came bursting out of his eyes.

He was once again trying to reach for him when the beeping sound of somebody wanting to access his room almost caused him a heart attack. “ _WHAT_?!” He roared, his chest heaving. “What do you want?!”

“Ren.” Came the voice, the sweet poison that was ruining him. “Ren, let me in. We need to talk.” Kylo hunched his shoulders and rubbed his face, he waved his other hand a little to open the door. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to face him without causing a scene.

“Ren, I read the-“ There was a pause, clearly because Hux was expecting him to be standing behind the door. Kylo could hear him walk into the room before continuing, “I read the reports about the Caf factory disaster, you took me back to the Finalizer, Phasma escorted me to my room with med droids, I saw the video footage, Ren.” Hux stopped few steps away from him, he was there with him in his room and Kylo still couldn’t feel him. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, Ren.”

Kylo snorted and turned around, his eyes red from crying. “This is what you want to see?”

“What?” Hux shook his head a little. “No, I mean… Were you crying?”

“That’s not important. What do you want, General?” Kylo turned away again and went to sit on his bed; he immediately put his face into his hands. Why wasn’t he happy? He had Hux here with him, wasn’t this what he wanted all the time?

“As I said, I saw the reports and the video footage. I was not admitted into the med bay, you lied to me. What are you not telling me, Ren? Why…Why did I wake up in the hangar? Why was I lying on a-“

“I didn’t want them to know,” Kylo looked him. “You were their General and I didn’t want anyone to see you in that state. It was just a security measure.”  

“I  _was_?” Hux crossed his arms over his chest, blinking in confusion. “That’s another matter I wanted to discuss with you. Is this how it’s going to be now? Will you replace me every time I get a cold?”

“What are you talking about?” Kylo looked at him, taken aback.

“That old blond idiot who threw me out of  _my_  bridge!”

“Ah fuck, Portkman.” Kylo got up from the bed and ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck, sorry. I absolutely forgot to tell you… It’s nothing, I will send him away. This ship is still yours, of course.” He felt like an idiot, he totally forgot about that disaster of a man.

“Is it?” Hux cocked one eyebrow and smirked.

“Of course.”

“Well thank you, Supreme Leader. In this case, I suggest that you have Portkman terminated for his insolent behaviour. The same thing goes for Captain Peavey,” He said with an icy tone.

“Captain Peavey?” Kylo blinked at him with shock. “But he is-“

“His behaviour should be considered a mutiny, Supreme Leader. And I will not have my men question my post. Let them both be an exemplary case.”

Kylo kept staring at him in silence but then nodded. “If that’s what you wish.”

“It is.” Hux nodded and Kylo followed suit.

“Anything else you wanted?” Kylo sighed and took a step closer.

“I want my cat back.”

“Of course.”

“And I want you to stop behaving as if nothing happened.”

“Of…course.” Kylo smiled at him hesitantly and took Hux’s hand into his own, inspecting his gloved fingers. He could feel warmth seeping through them; he didn’t expect heat coming from him. The corners of his lips twitched a little and Kylo looked up into Hux’s eyes.

“Why are you smiling?” Hux scowled.

“You’re warm.”

“Of course I’m warm, you idiot. Why wouldn’t I be warm? Do you think I’m a walking icicle?”

Kylo shrugged. “No.” He pursed his lips a little. “It’s just…The last time I touched you you were cold as ice.”

“Well, the last time you saw me I was impaled and dying.” Hux snorted.

Kylo’s smile faltered a little. “Yeah about that-“

“You told me you loved me.” Hux interrupted him.

Kylo nodded.

“Did you mean it?”

Kylo bit his lip and sucked it into his mouth, nibbling on it.

“Did you?”

“Yes, yes, I meant it.” He let out a long breath and turned away from Hux, suddenly self-conscious.

“Then why, Ren? Why did you… Why did you do those things to me? I can’t… I don’t understand.” Hux shook his head even though Kylo couldn’t see him. “Why would you behave like an ass all the time if you-“

“I don’t know. Maybe I am a selfish ass.”

“That you are.” Hux huffed.

“It takes one to know one.”

 

There was a pause, and then laughter came. He had never seen or heard Hux laugh. Hux never laughed. It was a terrifying sound.

“Please don’t do this ever again. It’s a horrible sound.” Kylo turned to him and grabbed his shoulders.

“What?” Hux laughed again.

“Don’t.” Kylo pressed his hand against Hux’s mouth.

Hux bit him.

“Ouch! You fucking idiot! Why would you do this?!”

Hux just shrugged his shoulders. “Instinct.”

“I’ll give you an instinct, you-“ Ren’s datapad started beeping and he groaned, “You want me to take it?” He looked at the General who nodded.

“Yes, I’ll go back to my room. I would be pleased if you’d come later. And brought me my cat,” Hux went to the door and stopped, “Supreme Leader.” He bowed and exited Ren’s rooms.

Ren looked at the caller ID and growled.

Kriffing Portkman.

«*»

“General?”

Hux has just reached his chambers and wanted to input his pin code when he turned to see who was calling him, although he knew who it was long before he turned around. “Phasma.” He smiled at her softly, “It’s so good to see you again. Do you want to come in?” He gestured towards his door, still smiling. His smile soon disappeared because Phasma didn’t seem to move or hear him. “Phasma?”

“It is you.” She breathed out in awe. Hux couldn’t see her face but she sounded concerned.

“Who else would it be?” He snorted a little, “Come inside, we can talk there.” He unlocked his door and motioned for her to go in first. She obeyed, reluctantly, and took off her mask as soon as he closed the door after coming in after her.

“You look-“ She was staring at him, which made him more nervous than he would like to admit, “-you look just like-“ she shook her head and laughed somewhat desperately.

“Ah, please don’t say my father, Phasma.” Hux groaned a little and shook his head too. “I don’t look that bad… Yet.” He rolled his eyes. “Do you want something to drink?” He moved to his liquor table to pour himself two thumbs worth of whisky. When Phasma shook her head (again), he only filled one tumbler and went to sit on his couch. “So, anything new while I was away?”

“While you were…” Phasma was looking at him funnily yet she decided to sit next to him. “Can I, can I touch you?”

Hux raised his eyebrows. “What kind of question is this?”

“I don’t know. I just… I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” She got up from the couch and walked several metres away before stopping and looking back at him. “I can’t believe Ren really did it.”

“What are you talking about, Phasma?” Hux raised his eyebrows even higher.

“That he brought you back! Like nothing happened! Like you hadn’t died!” She was frowning, her eyes absolutely desperate. Hux had never seen her looking like this, she was always strong and above everything and now…

“What are you talking about?” He repeated with a little bit more emphasis on each word.

“You were dead, Hux!” She screamed at him.

Hux blinked and huffed. “What? No.” He pursed his lips a little and took a sip of his drink. “No, I wasn’t. It was only something like coma so my injuries would heal.”

“Oh please, don’t feed me this bullshit. You were dead, I saw you. I stayed with you for hours, Millicent stayed with you for hours. You were dead because Ren fucking killed you and now you’re sitting here and drinking your stupid drink because Ren brought you back with- I don’t know what but it’s… It’s not right, Armitage. This is not right.” She was furious.

“You’re out of your mind.”

“Really?” She snorted.

“Yes, really.” He got up from the couch.

“Why are you drinking this, Armitage?” She nodded towards his glass. Hux looked at it and blinked. That was a good question. He was not thirsty; it was just somehow automatic to pour himself a glass when Phasma was in his chambers. They did it every time – they sat and talked and gossiped and drank. So why shouldn’t he now? It was a rule, it was a habit, and it was something set deep inside him.

“That’s a ridiculous question, why would I drink? I want to, it’s simple.” He shrugged and lifted his chin in defiance.

“Listen, Hux, he’s not telling you the truth.” Phasma sighed and took the glass from his hand, setting it on the table. “And you probably shouldn’t drink or it will short-circuit your system or something.” She exhaled through her nose and patted his hair.

“Could you leave?” Hux sneered impatiently. He felt irritated by her presence and by her words. Somehow, he was starting to feel self-conscious, he was trying to feel his blood flowing in his veins and couldn’t feel it; not that he normally would, but suddenly the inability was overcoming.

Phasma nodded and left without a question.

 

“I thought that I asked you to leave me.” Hux murmured from his spot on the couch, he was sitting there and staring into the endless void behind his windows. It was supposed to calm him, it always did but why he was doing it now, he couldn’t tell.

“It’s me.”

Hux turned his head around, his body still facing the windows. “Supreme Leader, Ren, I see.”

“Who did you think it was?” Ren set Hux’s orange cat on the floor and she disappeared into the bedroom. The Supreme Leader eyed it curiously; he thought that she would be happy to see her master.

“Phasma.” Hux shrugged and turned back to the stars. “I met her in the corridor, we talked and drank. I mean… She talked and I drank.”

“You were drinking?” Ren’s eyebrows rose.

“Yes, Ren, I was drinking. Why are you all so concerned about me drinking things?” Hux sneered.

“No reason. What did she tell you?” Kylo scowled at Hux’s back.

“She told me that I died, that you killed me.” Hux looked at him again, he pulled his legs up on the couch and turned around, leaning against the backrest with his forearms and setting his head on them. “That you made something horrendous to bring me back. She told me that you are lying to me.” He looked up at Kylo.  

Kylo growled deep in his throat and ran a hand through his hair, pulling on the wild strands. “She told you that?” He was breathing fast, he was shaking. And Hux looked so innocent as he kept staring at him.

“You’re hyperventilating.”

“I am aware; maybe I should rename you General Obvious.” Kylo rolled his eyes at him and Hux snorted, clearly amused.

“Are you hyperventilating because she was right and you are indeed lying to me?”

“No?” Kylo looked at him uncertainly.

“Are you asking me?” Hux rolled his head to one side and smiled at him even though he didn’t feel like smiling at all.

“No,” Kylo grumbled. “Look,” he pointed at the floor, Hux peeked over the backrest to look but he didn’t see anything but his floor. “No, I didn’t mean it literally, I’m just…I’m making a point here, okay?”

“You’re not making any point on my floor, Ren. And if you will, you will clean it because this floor has always been and always will stay pointless.” Hux said in a very serious tone, hoping that he would make Kylo smile with his stupid pun jokes. Kylo didn’t smile and only frowned more. “What? Did a porg crawl into your ass, Ren? I am the one who should be angry, not you.”

“Oh really? And why is that, General?”

“Do you want me to list you my reasons alphabetically?”

“One would hope that they would take your sass from you,” Kylo grumbled under his nose, Hux had barely heard him.

“What?”

“Nothing. I brought your cat.”

Hux gave him a long look before getting up from his couch. “Ah, excellent! Where is she?” He looked around with anticipation. When he didn’t see anything that resembled an orange looking cat, he went to the bedroom. “Millicent?” He tried, “Millie, where are you?” He called her with a singsong voice, but nothing happened. “Millie?” He heard a shuffling from under the bed. “Are you…” He got on all fours and peered under his bed where he could see two emerald orbs glowing and watching him intently. “Hello baby, what are you doing there?”

Kylo leaned back to see what was happening in the bedroom. “Oh my…” He breathed out when he saw Hux with his butt perked up and cooing at his cat, which was under the bed. He couldn’t care less about the animal but the view that he had in front of him was making his mouth water. Why did he never notice what a petite butt Hux had? Maybe because of his ever-present great coat. Or maybe it was the nose thing.

“Come here, baby, why are you hiding? It’s just me.”

Kylo bit his lip and went closer, he didn’t want to hide from him and Hux said come here, didn’t he? Hux shouldn’t wear those puffy pants, he should be wearing only skinny leggings and nothing more, something that would complement his figure. Kylo kneeled down next to Hux, “She doesn’t want to come out?”

Hux shook his head. “She’s probably mad at me for being away for so long. It was a month, I can’t blame her, I would be angry too.” He sat on his heels and sighed. “So...” He nodded and looked at Kylo, “You…” He huffed and shook his head; since when was he this incoherent? Ren was looking at him with his eyebrows high with a mocking curiosity. “Would you like to… I’m not really good at this. People usually hate me.” Hux sighed with frustration and pinched his nose bridge.

“Hux?”

Hux looked at him without moving his hand. Ren was suddenly too close, crowding him and pushing him closer to the bed frame. “I wanted to do this for so long,” Ren murmured and took Hux’s chin between his fingers, squeezing. “It was killing me; not knowing if you’ll come back. I dreamed about you, and every night you wrecked me. You hurt me. You seeped your hands into my heart and tore it apart.” He caressed Hux’s cheekbone with his other hand, touching him with his gloved fingertips as if he was both scared of breaking him and wanting to break him at the same time. “You wanted me to help you.” Kylo smiled, his eyes glistening with a hint of madness. Hux was staring at him, lips apart, his breath would be hitching… but there was no breath at all. “You wanted me to help you,” Kylo growled, “and I did… I did and now you’re here and you’re mine.” He cupped his other cheek too. “Only mine and mine alone. I deserve you, for all the things I had to suffer to get you back.”

“What things?” Hux was searching his face for something he couldn’t place.

Instead of answering, Kylo crushed their lips together. Hux’s instinct was to flee; he backed into the bed frame, his hands frantically searching the ground for something to hold on to. “Shut up and kiss me, General.” Kylo murmured and bit his lip.

“What…” Hux complied, breathing out through his nose and closing his eyes. Kylo pushed him harder against the surface and pulled him into his lap, spreading Hux’s legs apart. “What things,” he whimpered when Kylo started sucking on his chin.

“You’re so soft,” Ren whispered into his skin. “So soft and warm,” He murmured and bit into his skin, silently growling with satisfaction. “For someone so skinny you’re way too soft here…” He bit harder and Hux yowled with pain.

“Stop mocking me,” Hux sneered and pushed against Ren’s chest. Kylo only laughed and bit him again.

“You are mine, I can mock you if I want to mock you. I can fuck you whenever I want to fuck you.”

“What about stopping giving speeches and fucking me now?”

Kylo smirked. “General Hux, always so bossy.” He gripped his ass and hauled him up on the bed while standing up. Something orange made a beeline in between his legs and into the other room. “Poor cat, now she’ll be mad at you even more.”

Hux landed on the mattress with a soft thud and bounced a little. “Great,” he murmured and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe what was happening. What if he was only dreaming again? What if his mind was playing tricks on him? If it was so, his mind was overdoing itself this time. He felt a tug on his left boot and opened his eyes; Kylo was tugging it off his leg with a mischievous smile. The second one flew away on its own accord, the Force’s doing.

“Off with your pants,” Kylo smirked as he crawled over Hux and started undoing them with haste, Hux was watching him, leaning on his elbows, still not believing his eyes; he decided to close them in the end and to just wait and enjoy what was happening. It didn’t last long before Ren opened his uniform jacket and Hux opened his eyes. “You’re not wearing any undershirt…” Kylo said with astonishment and leaned down to kiss him on his exposed chest.

Hux kneaded his lips together and pursed them. “No, I’m-umh…” He purred when he felt Ren’s lips on his skin, kissing him on his stomach. “I’m…I was in a coma… for a month…I couldn’t exercise.”

Kylo smiled and caressed Hux’s hips. “You’re full of surprises, soft and small…and squishy.” He poked his finger into Hux’s belly and smirked.

“I’m not small.” Hux scowled at him, lifting his head to look where Ren was looking. It must have been the perspective, he was sure he wasn’t that small before. “I’m not…” He let his head fall back down.

“I don’t care.”

Suddenly, Ren took his legs and lifted them, squirming in between them and bending down to kiss him again on his lips, which must have been bruising already, Hux was sure of it.

“I waited so long for this,” Kylo growled into the kiss, his hands travelling across Hux’s torso, lifting him so he could take off his jacket.

 _I waited longer_ , Hux whimpered and tugged at Kylo’s hair. “Stop…talking…and fuck me.”

Kylo took him under his chin and squeezed a little, “Quiet.” He growled and attacked his mouth, caressing Hux’s thigh, guiding his leg higher. He felt so smooth, too smooth.

They slowly rocked against each other with a slow and needy rhythm until Kylo stopped to take off his tunic and threw it somewhere on the bed. Hux took in his broad chest and a little smile graced his features when he hooked his fingers on the waist of Kylo’s pants, tugging on it. Kylo wriggled out of them moments later. He was hard, his underpants already wet with the leaking precome.

“So excited to have me?” Hux teased him, his own erection begging for the lack of affection it was getting moments ago from the slow friction of Ren’s body. Ren bent down instead of answering him, trailing kisses on Hux’s collar bones, travelling down across his nipples to the centre of his chest and back up, licking him, tasting him, trying to imprint every inch of Hux’s skin into his memory. Afraid of losing him again but still trying not to come undone from the reality of Hux being under him; squirming on the black satin sheets and purring so loud that even Millicent would envy him. He squeezed Hux’s ass and smiled when the ginger whimpered, his hair fanning around his head like a small halo.

Kylo leaned his forehead against Hux’s, smearing his sweat against his dry skin. “You’re mine.”

“I am.” Hux nodded slowly, scratching Ren’s shoulders.

“Say it,” Kylo begged, trailing his fingers across Hux’s chin, stopping on his lips, tracing them.

“I’m yours,” Hux whispered and kissed the forefinger, which was dancing on his lower lip. He could feel Ren smile against his cheek. “I’ve always been yours, and I will always be yours to take. You saved me.”

“I saved you.” Kylo nodded.

“You brought me back.”

“I brought you back.”

“You helped me.”

“I helped you.” Kylo started moving again, he needed to hear Hux’s voice to assure himself that he was real. “I helped you.” He positioned himself down between Hux’s legs, kneading his soft milky thighs. He was getting a lit bit desperate. Hux was here with him, he was trying to believe it even though it was difficult. Kylo kissed him on his inner thigh and sighed. His lower lip was trembling, he couldn’t do it. It was too much.

 

“Ren?” Hux lifted his head and blinked lazily. Why did he stop? “Did…Ren?” He felt something wet in his groin and sat up.

“You called me Kylo,” Ren whispered with thick voice and looked at him with glassy eyes.

“I never call you  _Kylo_.” Hux shook his head lightly and smiled a bit.

“That’s not true.” Ren swallowed, “I’m sorry…” His voice broke. “I thought I could do it… I think I could but I can’t.” He was trembling, tears slowly trailing down his cheeks.

“You can’t?” Hux blinked, taken aback. “How…How do you mean it that you can’t? You perfectly could just moments ago!”

Ren shook his head and took one of Hux’s hands, hopelessly clutching it. “I’m so sorry. You were so warm and I thought…I thought that it would be okay… I thought that nothing changed…” He nuzzled Hux’s hand against his damp face. “Look at you…So smooth and flawless…” He laughed a little bit desperate and looked him in the eyes.

Hux yanked his hand out of Ren’s grip as if he burned him. “Don’t touch me.” He spat and frantically searched for his boxers. “Don’t touch me.”

“Hux…” Kylo whispered, catching his wrist.

“I said don’t touch me!” He screamed at him with cracking voice. “Get out.” Hux shook his head and bit his lip, putting on his black underclothes. “Get out!”

Kylo got out of the bed and started picking up his clothes. His hands were trembling.

“Leave, you fucking liar!” Hux scrambled out of the bed and shoved him. “Out!” Kylo stumbled a little but managed not to fall. He could feel Hux’s…no, not Hux’s…this thing’s fists pounding into him with frenzy as he was putting on his pants; he didn’t bother to put on the rest and only looked at what was supposed to be his General.

Kylo looked at him, tasting salt from his own tears on his lips. He wanted to say something, anything, but couldn’t find words. What was one supposed to say? You don’t smell like him for you don’t smell anything at all. You don’t taste like him for your skin is not human. You’re not a human for you’re just a copy of somebody already gone.

He said nothing at all.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the last chapter, peeps! Thank you all for reading this story and for your comments and kudos, it means the world to me! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a warning in the end notes (containing huge spoilers) so if there are some more sensitive souls here, read them first <3

Hux stayed sitting in a cross-legged position on his bed, tears slowly running in thin paths down his cheeks. He stared into the emptiness of his bedroom; a void was settling inside of his mind and his whole body. A silent sob wrenched through his parted lips and he immediately rubbed his eyes, angry with himself for crying like a little child.

A worthless, weak child.

“Millicent,” he whispered suddenly, remembering that he wasn’t as lonely as he first thought. “Millicent.” He got up from the bed and went to his lounge room where he stopped and turned his head to see where his little cat was lying. “There you are,” he smiled sadly upon seeing her lying on the sofa. Millicent’s ears perked when she heard his voice, and lifted her head, slowly blinking.

Hux came closer, wiping away the wetness from his face with his forearm. He scooped her into his arms, his fingers shaking gently, and she mewed uncertainly. “Did you miss me, darling?” He nuzzled her head against his neck and sauntered back to his bedroom with her. “Only the two of us, again, you see?” He laid down on the bed with her and carefully pulled the blanket over them. She was squirming, but it was probably only because she was still a little bit mad at him for abandoning her for so long. “I…I didn’t want to leave you here, only with Ren. You must know that.” He sighed when she crawled out from under his arm and started pawing across the pillow.

He was watching her in silence, her green eyes and little pink nose. She must have felt so lonely when he was away. To think that he would leave her for good, or of her passing away and leaving him…alone and with nobody to love him. To listen to his troubles, to kiss away his fears.

“I truly am pathetic,” He sighed with a trembling voice and turned on his back. “So pathetic.” He shook his head and touched his cheek; he saw blurry and knew that he was crying but he couldn’t feel anything on his face, still, when he touched his face, his fingertips were wet.

“I’m going crazy.” He mumbled and closed his eyes; not that he felt tired, he just wanted to shut the world out. There was nothing for him, only lies, deception and pain.

He wished he had died on that horrendous moon.

«*»

They didn’t talk to each other since the incident.

Hux was doing his job, communicating with Ren only when absolutely needed. Everything was as it used to be - the silent glares in the corridors or nods instead of actual greetings solely accompanied by “Supreme Leader” or “General”. Hux was ignoring him as best as he could, not willing to step back and say something.

And what was he supposed to say? That he was sorry for throwing Ren out of his room? He would never do that, he had nothing to apologise for. And he had more serious problems than… than Ren.

Like his cat still refusing to talk to him.

Hux didn’t find anything with him amiss, he was absolutely engrossed in his work – of which there was plenty because the idiot who got Hux’s job in his absence apparently didn’t know how to run a ship.

 

He was eating his food as he used to, in the corner of the officers’ cafeteria where nobody would disturb him, reading a report about the new intergalactic wireless holonet modem, when the chair next to him screeched and someone sat down next to him.

“General,” came the greeting.

“Captain,” Hux looked at Phasma briefly and went back to his reading. “Is something the matter?”

“No, everything is in the utmost order.”

Hux huffed and shook his head, “Then why are you bothering me during my dinner?”

“I wanted to apologise.”

That made Hux look at her. “Apologise?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “I want to apologise for what I said to you the other day. I was just…upset.”

“Alright.” Hux set down his fork and rubbed his lips. “That’s okay.  Don’t worry.”

“How do you like the food today?”

One innocent question to make a man doubt his existence.

Hux looked at his plate and frowned. “Well, it’s…”

“Hux,” She sighed and looked around them. They were alone in the cafeteria, it was too late to have a dinner and officers seemed to avoid Hux’s company since he had Portkman and Peavey decapitated. “May I speak freely?”

He looked at her and Phasma’s breath hitched. One single look and she wasn’t sure if this was or wasn’t the real Hux anymore. She came here, initially, to tell him the truth. She wanted to tell him about Ren’s schemes and warn him of being used, but now when he was looking at her with such anticipation and something akin to sorrow… This was her best friend, not something made in a lab with shady techniques of DNA harvesting.

“Yes?”

Phasma opened and closed her mouth, “Nothing.” She smiled at him lightly, “It’s nothing. Did you… Did you talk with Ren?”

Hux nodded, “Ah. Yes, yes. I talked to him right after you left. He brought me Millicent, you see.”

“She missed you,” Phasma nodded. “She didn’t want to leave your side when we brought you back.”

“Really? I think she’s mad at me, she doesn’t want me to pet her and she refuses to sleep in my bed. Which is quite curious.” Hux frowned a bit and straightened his eyebrow with his fingertips. His cat loved him unconditionally, sometimes more than he would like her to love him but now… It was as if he was just something she had to share space with. “She was meowing at the door for two hours at night, as if…”

“I’m sure it will be okay soon, Hux.”

“Yes, yes. Of course.” He nodded and looked back at his food. He wasn’t even hungry. He hadn’t felt hungry for the whole day. Come to think of it, he had his breakfast at six as always, and his lunch and dinner. He had his morning caf and afternoon tea in his office but he hadn’t slept almost all night, he… “I didn’t sleep.” He looked at Phasma and blinked, very slowly. “I… I have to go.” He got up fast and fled the mass without looking back.

«*»

“You lied to me,” Kylo growled when doctor Saoe accepted the video call. “You said he would be the same. You lied to me.” He wasn’t even sure he wanted to talk to her and contemplated ending the call before she picked it up. He had to vent his emotions or he was sure he would explode. Kylo couldn’t function like this, knowing that this… this thing with Hux’s face was roaming the corridors with its head held high, with its look scrutinizing every Stormtrooper and officer who met it. He couldn’t bear the thought that the man he so longed for remained dead and that he will never be able to kiss him like he kissed that fraud yesterday.

He was a monster. Enjoying his perverted needs with something that wasn’t even living, and only because it had the face of someone whom he claimed to love only moments before the person died because he was a coward and didn’t tell him sooner.

How much different would their lives be if he told Hux sooner?

How much different would their lives be if he saw what was clearly there the whole time, and wasn’t so engrossed in his own case that he didn’t see how much he hurt Hux?

Now it was late, too late to do anything about it because the real Hux was dead and he would never be back. He’ll never touch his hand, he’ll never kiss the tears away from Kylo’s cheeks or tell him what an idiot he is for whatever reason he would surely find.

“Supreme Leader,” Saoe smiled at him, taking him back to the present. “I didn’t lie to you. Are you not satisfied with our product? Do you wish for a refund? You can deliver the product back and we can dismantle it or reprogram it to your utmost liking.”

“You will not touch him.” Kylo frowned at her.

“Supreme Leader, Sir, in that case I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

“The problem is that he is not real.”

The doctor looked at him with mirth in her eyes, the corners of her lips twitching. “Of course he is not real. He is an artificial intelligence device developed in accordance with General Hux’s image.”

Kylo was fuming. He knew that she was right, he couldn’t expect the new Hux to be just like the original one but somehow, it was exactly what he expected. He was angry with himself more than with the doctor. Still, he wanted to blame her for everything.

He needed to blame his feelings on somebody. He wanted to feel like he was not the one who fucked this all up. If she hadn’t approached him that day, nothing of this would have happened and he would not be feeling so miserable. He wouldn’t have Hux but he didn’t have him now either.

“Supreme Leader, we created him after the holographic model you scanned for us, I can assure you that he’s the same. As for his personality, everything is based on his DNA memory, he knows what General Hux has been through, and he knows how to react to these triggers.”

“He doesn’t have his scent,” Ren whispered.

“Sir?”

Ren shook his head, relieved that she didn’t hear him. “Nothing.”

He felt so pathetic. Whining to a complete stranger just because the creature he had them made for his own needs wasn’t a living person. Phasma was right. He was trying to play the maker and now he had to pay for it. He just didn’t know it would be this painful.

“Are you willing to tell me what the problem is?” Saoe smiled at him patiently.

“There is no problem; take care, Doctor.” Kylo dismissed the call and rubbed his face. He hadn’t talked to the android since last evening and he was glad for it. He couldn’t bear to look at him.

Kylo sighed and shook his head at his own foolishness.

He went to the former guest room without hesitation.

 «*»

Hux didn’t stop until he was standing in front of his mirror in the bathroom, his palms set on the ceramic surface of his basin. He was breathing out shakily, swallowing down the lump in his throat that was getting bigger and bigger, but not feeling any relief.

He let out another shaky breath and looked at his reflection. His whole mouth felt dry, now when he thought about it. Hux tilted his head to one side and squinted at his reflection. He was seeing perfectly, which was something he couldn’t say before the accident, thanks to his late night readings on his datapad. Did Ren somehow heal his sight with the Force?

No, why would he do that in the first place?

Ren had never healed him. Phasma said that he was lying to him and she wanted to tell him something today too. What it was, he couldn’t place, but it had to do something with Ren and him.

He ran a hand over his face and stopped when it reached his forehead; Hux frowned. His forehead was flawless, without its familiar faint wrinkles. He tried to move his eyebrows, his skin creased a little but when he stopped, his forehead was as smooth as that of a baby. Leaning forward to the mirror, he found out that even his crow feet lines and bags under his eyes were gone. He palmed his cheeks; he hadn’t shaved in two days and there was no stubble on his cheeks.

“What the fuck is it?” Hux whispered as if expecting his reflection to provide him with an answer. He switched on his additional lights, which were installed into the mirror frame, and once again leaned close to his reflection. There were no pores on his nose, no feather hairs framing his skin, no nothing. He blinked at himself several times and opened his mouth, only to close it again. He didn’t understand it, didn’t want to understand it.

He hadn’t slept in two days and his skin was far too smooth to be his own, he couldn’t recall the taste of his dinner in his mouth even though he had been eating only moments ago.

“No,” he breathed out and shook his head, the realisation slowly downing on him. He woke up in a ship in the hangar, laying upon a hard surface in a box. He was delivered to Ren in a box. “No.” His eyes were frantically roaming across his own face.

This couldn’t be true.

He had memories; he remembered everything in vivid details. They were his memories, his alone and nobody else’s. He didn’t tell anyone about them and yet he remembered them, there was no possibility that somebody could…

Hux ran a hand through his hair and froze. He looked into his own eyes and pulled. He winced with pain and pulled harder but nothing happened. “Gods,” He let his hand fall back down and looked at his fingers. He felt a tremor building inside of him, his mind was screaming at him but his body didn’t listen, his hands didn’t tremble.

“What did you do to me?” Hux looked up from his hand; his reflection mocking him with his own face staring back at him, so familiar and yet so completely wrong. “What did you do to me?!” He screamed, his reflection laughing at his misery. “Gods,” he spat, tearing his collar open. His fingers suddenly not working as he wanted them to be, he could feel heat building inside of his body, heat that surely shouldn’t be there. He couldn’t breathe, he was sure that he will suffocate if-

Hux put his hand in front of his mouth a breathed out. Nothing. He felt nothing. He wasn’t breathing. Hux made a mewling sound and unzipped his jacket to feel his heartbeat but was once again left with nothing. No heartbeat.

Hux whimpered.

He wasn’t living.

He wasn’t real.

He was some toy that was delivered to Ren in a box. He had never met his mother in his whole life. What if his father--

He punched his reflection with a ferocious scream.

«*»

Hux was seething by the time he reached the Supreme Leader’s chambers again. “Ren!” He banged on the door with a clenched fist. He tried the buzzer but that didn’t work either. “Open the fucking door; I know you’re in there!”

He had been looking for Ren the last thirty minutes, he tried his chambers as the first option but wasn’t let in and so he stopped by the training centre and bridge and even the throne room. Ren was nowhere to be found.

If he remembered correctly, Ren was prone to sleeping or training during this time of day, so he surely had to be in his room.

Hux stopped his banging and kicked the door with anger; he knew he was being unreasonable but had the utmost right to feel mad. He turned and leaned against the durasteel door with his back, slowly raising his hand to look at the damaged skin on his knuckles.

When he punched that mirror, shards stuck into his knuckles and even though he could feel the pain, it was more like an uncomfortable pressure of something that didn’t belong in there stuck into his body. He carefully pulled out the shards and the pressure disappeared. There was no pain, no blood, nothing. Only a cut.

Hux thumbed across the damaged skin and felt his lip wobble.

Ren had ruined him.

 

It didn’t take long before Hux heard a faint voice from the other room and frowned. He would bet all his credits that this voice belonged to Ren. Did he somehow confuse the rooms? Was he barking at a wrong tree?

Hux slowly moved to the door on his right and frowned, listening. He couldn’t make out the words, but he was sure that it was Ren’s voice. He would recognize it everywhere for it was haunting him since the moment they first met.

He didn’t knock on the door or buzz the intercom. These were guest rooms and he had the clearance to open them with his personal number. If Ren didn’t change the parameters. Which Hux doubted.

The red light on the screen turned green and the door opened quietly. When Hux peeked inside, he immediately frowned when he saw that it was dark in there, and somehow colder than it should be. The only light that was reaching his eyes was coming from the bedroom, just like Ren’s voice.

Hux didn’t want to snoop but he couldn’t help it. Not when Ren was talking in a low voice to somebody who was with him in the other room. Hux felt sick. He wanted to go there and scream at him for lying to him, he wanted to hear the truth. He wanted to know the reason why somebody would do such a heinous thing and trap him inside of some…soulless instrument. And wasn’t that just ironic? Him, the heartless General of the First Order; now he hadn’t heart for real, he was the cold machine everybody took him for.

“I didn’t think it would be so hard,” Ren mumbled in the other room, “I shouldn’t be so foolish and believe that I could feel the same for him as I did, as I do, for you.” There was a silent shuffling of material as Kylo moved on his chair. “Forgive me, my love,” his voice broke, “I have failed you, I have failed you just the way I did with everyone.”

Hux took his final steps into the room and stopped dead in his track. “Ren?” His voice croaked and the man sitting in front of him turned. His eyes rimmed red from crying, his lips swollen.

“What are you doing here?” Kylo spat and rose from his place so fast that the chair went flying backwards.

“I was looking for you,” Hux set his lips into a thin line and folded his arms across his chest. “What are you doing here?” He noticed how Ren moved so he would hide the thing that was behind him. Hux frowned. Was it a coffin?

“You are not supposed to be here.” Ren practically growled, angry that he was caught in flagrante.

Hux was ignoring him; it w _as_  a coffin. A huge, glass coffin with a person inside. He could see the shiny black boots and what looked like a greatcoat of his own dress uniform. His eyes travelled up to the corpse’s hand and sleeves with the general insignia. “What the- You…” It was him. He was the person lying in the coffin. “You monster,” he looked at Ren who was staring at him with shock and fear in his eyes. “You sick monster!” Hux screamed and set off towards it; he had to be sure, he had to see it. He pushed the hyperventilating Ren aside and got to the glass, setting his palms on it.

Hux let out a choked scream when he found himself staring at his own sleeping face. “You…” He sneered. “You truly are the most horrible person I have ever met.” His voice full of hate and disgust, “I should have killed you on that planet, I should have fucking killed you when I had the chance!” He grabbed his blaster from under the coat, turning around with one swift motion, aiming the blaster on Ren’s head. His hand steady as it had never been in his whole life. He was sure that he would be shaking under any other circumstances, but not now, no. He was a machine. Ren made him that way and now he would pay for it with his life.

“Hux,” Ren said with wide eyes, taking one step back. He had not seen this coming - he couldn’t see into Hux’s head. “What are you doing? Put that blaster down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Hux gritted his teeth. “You lied to me!”

“I didn’t lie to you,” Ren scowled.

“Lying by omission is still a lie, you cretin! When did you plan to tell me, huh?” Hux's voice was getting thicker, “Did you really think that I will not figure it out? That I will not notice? Was it before or after you would fuck me?! Was it before or after you would once again tell me you love me and made me believe you?!” He screamed with a breaking voice, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Hux-“

“No!” He pulled the trigger but Kylo managed to deflect the shot to the wall.

“Stop it, Hux, don’t make me hurt you!”

“You already hurt me. You already wrecked me. There is nothing you can do to me. Nothing worse than what you’ve already done!”

Two more shots were fired. One went to the wall and the second to the opposite direction. There was a silence and then a sound of glass shattering.

Kylo blinked rapidly and turned to the glass coffin which was now broken. Glass shards lying like diamonds across the General’s skin. “What have you done?” Kylo whispered with desperation. “What have you-“ he was sobbing, frantic breaths leaving his mouth. His whole body trembling. “No…” He shook his head, trying to wipe the glass away only to cut his General’s face open with it. “No! No, please no, no…”

Hux lowered his weapon, the sight in front of him hitting him hard. Ren was broken-hearted, shaking and desperately trying to set things right.

Was this what Kylo looked like when Hux died in his arms? Was he this desperate? Maybe he truly had loved him.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, Armitage, I’m so sorry,” Kylo kept on whispering and stroking General’s cheek in despair. “I’ll make it right, I promise. I didn’t want to hurt you, you have to believe me. You have to…”

“Ren.” The word was like a dagger to Kylo’s heart. He turned his head a little, eyeing the manlike creature through the curtain of his jet-black hair. He growled. “I didn’t want to do this, I’m sorry.”

Kylo pulled away from the General and raised his hand in a swift motion, squeezing.

“Ren…” Hux choked out, his vocal cords slowly collapsing on themselves. He could feel the pressure, he could feel the pain, he was reliving every moment of what happened in the throne room; it felt like ages ago. Only this time, it was million times stronger.

“Ren don’t…Don’t do this…” He was wheezing, collapsing to his knees.

Ren clenched his fist harder.

“Kylo.”

Ren screamed in agony until he heard a fatal crack. There was a heavy thud followed by a fainter one as the body hit the ground and the head fell from its neck.

 

_Help me._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MCD (it's not a person so it's not really a death, but still...you get the point)
> 
> Once again, thank you all for reading! If it's more than one in the morning, please go to sleep and don't be me, the mornings are not worth it!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sending cupcakes for each comment! <3
> 
> Big ass thank you to Ellstra for beta!


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